I’m Too Old For This.

I know I sound like a broken record, but this past week (like every other week this summer) has been a blur. I’ll be back to the regularly scheduled programming soon, I promise. Food, life, outdated pop culture references and such.

Last weekend I flew to the Chi for the ‘Chlorette party of one of my besties. You can see from this college skit picture of us that things were likely to get real weird, real fast:

So I’ve been attempting to bounce back from the creep-a-thon for a few days. Yes, I know it’s now Thursday. If you’re under 22 you won’t understand this – but the normal recovery period for regaining functionality is exactly one day for every grey hair you had to pluck out before you passed out at 10:30 went to after-hours. So lay off me.

The ‘Chlorette is one of those friends who has been through absolutely everything with me; and I with her. We’ve hated each other for extended periods of time (mostly because of that pesky, infuriating thing called honesty). We’ve proofread each other’s writing. (Pre-blogosphere. You know, when editing and flow were important.) We’ve crafted home-made beer pong tables out of rotted drywall and sawhorses. We’ve argued fiercely and laughed until our stomachs hurt (she’s way funnier than me):

So you can all see how it was incredibly important that I stay Paleo focus on the festivities.

I did bring about twelve tins of sardines, a giant bag of coconut flakes, and Paleo Kits galore. I walked the 1-mile trek to the most infuriatingly gigantic Whole Foods in the nation. (4 theme restaurants. A stage. A booze bar. A whole Vegan zip code.) I also made the 2-mile trek to drop-in at CrossFit Chicago. It was after an Rx “Helen” that I shed my albatross of accountability. And now I feel like I got punched six times in the Twins’ Bullpen while being expelled from a wind tunnel.

I suppose I didn’t go too crazy. Considering I spent 4 days in Chicago with my besties going to drag shows (talk about the Twins’ Bullpen) and Husker bars, I think I did pretty well. I stayed grain-free (the accidental, occasional, Can’t-Decline-a-3-Wise-Men-God-Help-Me liquid “nutrition” excepted). I stayed sugar-free (the accidental, occasional, Can’t-Decline-a-Purple-Hooter-Who Buys-These-Things-Anyway liquid “nutrition” excepted). I stayed pizza-free and only ONCE did I accidentally top my sauteed broccoli with sugar instead of salt.

Oh, who am I kidding. I did my best, but how many more of these ‘Chlorettes do I have left? We’re all getting to be old, married and bo-ring. I had to gear up for months and train like Rocky Balboa to prepare to wear 4″ heels for the first time since 2007.

The most important thing is that, after a week of sleeping, chugging bone broth, and changing the bandages on my feet, I’ve come back to earth. I missed you guys.


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8 Comments to “I’m Too Old For This.”

  1. Hi doll- hope you all had a great time in Chi-town- congrats to Quinn and Steve….that is going to be a fun wedding I am sure….hpe you are well…missed reading your blog! Talk soon!

  2. Nice to know you’re on the ‘normal’ side of real life. We’ve missed you and your writing. You inspire us everyday!

  3. WEEKS. It has taken me WEEKS to recover from my booze/food fest in New Jersey IN JULY.

    It’s worth it though. So I keep patting my liver on its head and saying.

  4. “I walked the 1-mile trek to the most infuriatingly gigantic Whole Foods in the nation. (4 theme restaurants. A stage. A booze bar. A whole Vegan zip code.)” Too funny!

  5. Let’s not forget the healthy breakfast, snacks and less offensive alcoholic beverages you conjured up for the whole group. You provided the light and friendly reminder that there is life after every four-day bender, and there’s still a wedding dress for me to squeeze into, so I was grateful for that. Also, I think I learned a thing or two from you about nutrition during our take over of Chicago (amazing, since memory seems to fail me on everything else).

    Oh, Cahmella! The weekend would not have been complete without you. Thank you for coming. I love my bestie 4eves!

    p.s. Today is the first day I didn’t feel drunk when I woke up. Of course, the slurring hasn’t stopped… But so wha? Maaahyrrbe Iah lihiiike ter shlurrrr! Gahhh!

  6. Please tell me that is a Chi O rush skit!!

  7. Hahahaha! Great pic – indeed from a Chi-O rush skit. And I’m glad to know I’m not the only one who gets 4 day hangovers!

  8. Sometimes I want to put nails like that on again, so that Niki Jeffers can be my “bathroom buddy” between performances…It’s 100% impossible to take care of one’s business when one’s nails are longer than the walk back from Phi Psi. (Ack.)

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