Helpless Baby Breakfast

(For the time crunched: There’s something that sorta passes as a recipe at the very bottom of this post.)

When it comes to food, I’m as sharp as a box of marbles.

You know those people that can just look at a scorzonera and get pregnant inspired?

That’s not me. I’m not a cook. Actually, I know at least one CaveHusband who would argue I’m not even qualified to own a slap-chop.

This goes back to my childhood. Below is a picture of me, taken immediately following the suggestion that I watch an episode of the Dinner at Julia’s.

"I HATE French cooking!"

That didn’t go over well.

There are some amazing, creative PaleoPrimalWeston PriceReal Food bloggers whose output includes the most delicious recipes I’ve ever haphazardly followed. Their contribution to society has literally kept my little family alive since we embarked on this way of life. Without them, it’d be rubbery chicken, steamed broccoli, and microwaved bacon every night. And we’d probably teeter precariously on the edge of multiple Chipotle binges every week.

Because of you, Real Foodies, I am much less of a terrified, helpless baby – and much more of a wide-eyed, excited woman helpless baby:

"I've never seen so many heirloom tomatoes in one place!"

The inspiration I’ve gained from the rest of the food bloggers I follow enabled me to overcome a desperate situation the other day. I opened the refrigerator and found a desolate wasteland:

Half an onion
2 eggs
A nearly-empty bag of coconut flour
2 pieces of leftover sausage bites from the Make It Paleo cookbook

The freezer offered a bit more hope with a few emergency provisions: a bag of frozen peppers and a half-bag of frozen chopped spinach.

It was going to be the most adequate yet underwhelming breakfast of all time. And breakfast, when executed properly, is literally the greatest thing since Zooey Deschanel.

I’m ashamed to admit that I can’t remember whose brilliant ideas inspired my innovation, but to whomever it was: Thank you.

I fried the egg…

I fried the onion…

I sauteed the peppers and sausage…

I sauteed the spinach…

And then I dressed up like the Starchild from Kiss and started rocking out. And here’s what happened:

I squeezed the excess moisture out of the spinach (hey, sometimes Paleo cookin’ ain’t elegant) and added a bit of coconut flour and one egg white. (Paleo Pooch got the yolk.)

And then I fried that sucker until it was AWESOME.

This took the breakfast from standard to “Shock Me” status.

Spinach patties: The greatest thing since zucchini patties. And all the other kinds of patties.

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5 Comments to “Helpless Baby Breakfast”

  1. Just the smell of fried onions gets my mouth watering! Nice scrounging!

  2. Where is the recipe for the spinach patties?

  3. Sorry Debra, the following is meant to fill the requirements for “recipe…” Haha…

    “I squeezed the excess moisture out of the spinach (hey, sometimes Paleo cookin’ ain’t elegant) and added a bit of coconut flour and one egg white. (Paleo Pooch got the yolk.)

    And then I fried that sucker until it was AWESOME.”

  4. Very Creative. That looks yummy.

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